is as bald does. So get a number one haircut.
The number one marks reality. It marks the man who knows his
time has come. It confides his confidence to others and signifies
that this man has looked in the mirror and said okay. Said
let's move on.
The balding man has choices still. Among these, the toupee,
the comb-over, the pony-tail or the number one. (Note that
rock stars can get away with wearing a bandana, but only just).
The toupee, to some, is a matter of amusement. As if some
device of vanity was peculiar to the bald. As if saggy jeans
on youths were not hilarious; as if the wonderbra did not
conceal a small truth; as if rouge, deodorant and earrings
were natural assets, blessing the baby at birth.
The comb-over has long been derided. For that reason, it is
time it came back. The aesthetic worth of a pony-tail on the
back of a bald head is moot. To the wearers of either, I offer
my respect for your choices and my sympathy for that situation
in which hair is still growing out of the head, but from the
wrong place and in the wrong direction.
The number one is the best last resort for the balding man.
It is the utility vehicle of haircuts, the one most fit for
purpose. It is low maintenance too, being easy for barbers
to cut and costing only six quid out of Sid's in Shawlands.
It is a classic cut, masculine, tidy and hydrodynamic (less
drag when swimming).
And while you can't have someone run their fingers through
your number one, the tiny spiky hairs above the back of the
neck will provide a fingertip delight to the fingerer and
a short, nostalgic bliss for the recipient.