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the number one haircut

Bald is as bald does. So get a number one haircut.

The number one marks reality. It marks the man who knows his time has come. It confides his confidence to others and signifies that this man has looked in the mirror and said okay. Said let's move on.

The balding man has choices still. Among these, the toupee, the comb-over, the pony-tail or the number one. (Note that rock stars can get away with wearing a bandana, but only just).

The toupee, to some, is a matter of amusement. As if some device of vanity was peculiar to the bald. As if saggy jeans on youths were not hilarious; as if the wonderbra did not conceal a small truth; as if rouge, deodorant and earrings were natural assets, blessing the baby at birth.

The comb-over has long been derided. For that reason, it is time it came back. The aesthetic worth of a pony-tail on the back of a bald head is moot. To the wearers of either, I offer my respect for your choices and my sympathy for that situation in which hair is still growing out of the head, but from the wrong place and in the wrong direction.
The number one is the best last resort for the balding man. It is the utility vehicle of haircuts, the one most fit for purpose. It is low maintenance too, being easy for barbers to cut and costing only six quid out of Sid's in Shawlands. It is a classic cut, masculine, tidy and hydrodynamic (less drag when swimming).

And while you can't have someone run their fingers through your number one, the tiny spiky hairs above the back of the neck will provide a fingertip delight to the fingerer and a short, nostalgic bliss for the recipient.


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