came early this year. It always does. We’ve been eating
mince pies since September. Last week I had a Christmas
pudding. Brandy butter, flames, the works. So, I propose
that Christmas Day be moved forward four months to bring
it into line with supermarket offers.
not? We know that we’ll see summer holidays advertised
in January and see Easter eggs on display in February and
that these next couple of weeks, leading up to Guy Fawkes,
will be the usual, debilitating, sonic nightmare.
say that December 25 is an arbitrary date anyway, commandeered
by Christians from the pagan calendar. As a mark of change,
whether a winter solstice or the birth of a dark skinned
man who became white, it is, I’d suggest, as good
if not better than most dates.
But if Christ’s birthday can be lifted and shifted
once, why not do it again? Why not roll it back to September
and align it with the schedules of supermarkets and stores?
In this way, we reduce consumer muttering and we have Christmas
If we moved it to September, the supermarkets would sell
their Christmas pies in April. ‘Cos they are fly,
that way. But. We need only go through this process twice
and then we’ll see Christmas goods being sold in early
December. That is, we could have Christmas at Christmas.
After that, I don’t know: just keep the whole thing
flexible – like Ramadan.
25 December is the date of Christ’s birth. Perhaps
too, supermarkets sell Christmas goods three months before
the event because their grasp of theology is better than
mine. Perhaps what I perceive as avarice, is only an acknowledgment
by supermarkets that the Three Wise men set out with their
gifts some months before Jesus was born.