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Christmas at Christmas

Christmas came early this year. It always does. We’ve been eating mince pies since September. Last week I had a Christmas pudding. Brandy butter, flames, the works. So, I propose that Christmas Day be moved forward four months to bring it into line with supermarket offers.

Why not? We know that we’ll see summer holidays advertised in January and see Easter eggs on display in February and that these next couple of weeks, leading up to Guy Fawkes, will be the usual, debilitating, sonic nightmare.

Some say that December 25 is an arbitrary date anyway, commandeered by Christians from the pagan calendar. As a mark of change, whether a winter solstice or the birth of a dark skinned man who became white, it is, I’d suggest, as good if not better than most dates.
But if Christ’s birthday can be lifted and shifted once, why not do it again? Why not roll it back to September and align it with the schedules of supermarkets and stores? In this way, we reduce consumer muttering and we have Christmas legitimately early.

I know.. If we moved it to September, the supermarkets would sell their Christmas pies in April. ‘Cos they are fly, that way. But. We need only go through this process twice and then we’ll see Christmas goods being sold in early December. That is, we could have Christmas at Christmas. After that, I don’t know: just keep the whole thing flexible – like Ramadan.

Perhaps 25 December is the date of Christ’s birth. Perhaps too, supermarkets sell Christmas goods three months before the event because their grasp of theology is better than mine. Perhaps what I perceive as avarice, is only an acknowledgment by supermarkets that the Three Wise men set out with their gifts some months before Jesus was born.


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